She's a Malaysian. Tied up. Loves the city and lives in it. Currently looking for a Marketing job in retailing / fashion / accessories. Calls herself a "young adult" 'cos that's what being 20+ means, right? *grin* . Meet Soniaaka PhoEbe.
WISH LIST
- Have another holiday in Australia!
- More mobile phone credits
- A trenchcoat like jacket
- My Delias's wishlist
- MY to come home
- Cushion to hug (big)
- 17" flat screened desktop
This is my blogchalk: Malaysia, Selangor, Petaling jaya, English, Chinese, Sonia, Female, Singing, performing, organising events, catching up with frens, spending time with loved ones, learning, cycling.
Friday, September 21, 2007 :::
Frustrations of Relationships - the real thing
This is a rather personal entry.
Some couples just fit into each others' lives quite easily. Sure they still need to work on things to be happy, but it's just easier for them to feel SO connected, compared to others. And then, there are others (which I presume are the most of us), who have to work extra hard to finally reach a stage where we think we're ready to commit our lives together for a very long time (I'm talking about marriage for those who don't believe in divorce).
Although MY & I do click, sometimes, I feel that there are still things we need to work on. But by him being far away (and a typical guy from Mars), I find it difficult to be done!! Long story. Sometimes he's so engrossed in his own thing, he unknowingly neglects me. Or may be it's because I'm too nice to him! =P Anyhoo, it gets so frustrating sometimes! -- [If ur a girl, u can imaging HOW frus it can become! - it's less intense for a guy, i think. Because his mind is simpler in certain ways, especially the emotions part] BTW, can someone gimme a better word for "his mind is simpler"?
I don't know the purpose of this blog entry, but yea, I get so FRUSTRATED sometimes, and I feel like I've given so much! And yet, he fails to do me small favours (or little gestures) to validate his feelings towards me OR show his appreciation for what I gave / my efforts towards our relationship. He doesn't need to measure up to every small little things I did, but I do need reassurance (example: him going outta his way for small (personal) gestures EVERY now and then)!
If u think I didn't already tell him all these, I did~~! As a matter of fact, I directly tell him (I don't hint, I tell it straight to his face, with examples!). I do that on & off (but sometimes he says I repeat them often - seeing that we have been together for some years now. =P)... He's such a stubborn old man! =P
I wish someone told me a long-term relationship wouldn't be so nerve-wrecking! But that's NEVER going to happen. *sobs*. I am trying to constantly remind myself of his need of space (to retreat or whatever), and etc. But why doesn't he remember to gimme the things I said I need and not what he thinks I need???
So much to say. This is just a small fraction of what is on my mind. And since it's late now (and I feel better now, after blogging), I think I can sleep now. ;)
I wish I could be more optimistic about tomorrow BUT... oh I dunno! ... This feeling, it hurts!
You have no idea how terrible I feel right now.
Couldn't cry it out because I (am) was not only sad, I was also mad! I have no one to talk to right now. The stupid (situation) & person who caused this is unavailable. I even have a feeling that after my explanation, things would *not* be better. In fact, I would probably feel WORSE because I expect any smart a$$ person who NOW understands my situation (after my explanation) would know what went wrong. AND then appologize to me for being so inconsiderate! -- Not ignore the situation & move on with life like nothing happened!
It is not whether or not that person applogizes. It is whether or not the donkey realises that it was all a MISUNDERSTANDING and feel sorry for what had happened afterwards!
I am sorry, but something inside me died today. I am not sure if u can fix it. But if u try hard enough, i'm certain it'd become alive again. I sure hope u know how much damage u have done today. Although, I dare not expect a lot to happen...
Now u can see why I have difficulties trying to release my tension (by crying).... U can obviously see how sad, disappointed AND mad I am at the same time!
Oh please, God, let me sleep peacefully tonight! Do miracles. Let me sleep in peace..............
Pardon my language today. Although not vulgar, but yea, I sound angry. Not safe for kids below 12 years of age! Heh, still can make (lame) 'jokes'. Whatever.
I've a feeling that I'm becoming more 'introverted'?
I hope not.
If I really were to become more 'quiet', I really wouldn't know myself anymore! =\
In case ur wondering, I am neither an extreme intro/extrovert. I'm a combination of both, but I am leaning more towards an extrovert. May be u've already guessed it, but u prolly wouldn't have either. 'Cause we all know that the online world is where the quiet OR noisy (haha) talk. ;P
Don't you all reflect/re-evaluate urself sometime?
Haven't been blogging mainly because I don't have unlimited & peaceful internet connection. Life had its up & down. But recently I've been sad cos the people who are close to me DO NOT realise what their actions actually imply.
For example, when u do not care to spend time with others, it means they slowly became unimportant in your life. When u do not listen to what one is talking, you do not care @ show a lack of interest in his/her life. When u do not care to do small favours (e.g.: Go buy famous Nasi Lemak on the way back from outside / Offer to send close fren back home after a movie since it's not too far away from ur house) because of some excuses, you became selfish without realising it & take whoever it is for granted. When u do not take the time to show ur appreciation every now and then (instead, u frequently vent ur anger and frustrations towards others) AND expect ppl to feel loved, u are also selfish because u forgot to empathize for ur loved ones.
Sigh. Human relations would always bring ups & downs into our lives. But recently, things (relations) haven't been very smooth for me. Hopefully it's just bad timing. You know, like how stuff happens all at once. Overwhelming. But at least for me, i sorta saw it coming. Even still, i feel sad.
Relationships... Not that HER friends would even consider the logic behind this post
Sigh.
Not that my family members get along SUPER well, but we're OK. We spend some time together. We spend enough time together to laugh, argue, go on trips, etc.
But now, I'm feeling sad. Sad that I can't reverse things. I miss spending time with my (younger) sister, she said so too (some months ago). BUT i don't think that's the case.
In our immediate family, I only have my sis to talk to. I mean, u don't go and tell ur parents everthing, right? My parents aren't exactly the "friend-friend" kinda parent - the generation gap is pretty apparent.
I recently left her a msg (instead of talking to her directly). She read it (I double checked it after a week). But she showed no changes. She hasn't cared to spend more time with family (especially me), or come home earlier, or not to lock herself in the room that even my parents sometimes dunno she has already reached home. I told her bout how she didn't even care asking about parents' recent trip to Bali too. Oh yea, u can expect that she still kept quiet for days - she didn't care how was it for them OR what they brought back OR anything else!
Not that I am forcing her to come back before 9pm everyday, spend time with us every single day, etc. She CAN go do her own stuff; She can reach home at her usual time; She can spend time with her bf; She can chat on the phone with her friends; She can do whatever she wants - I duwana 'CONTROL' her. But I really do miss the times spent with her, chatting, laughing, window shopping, or just sitting down & doing nothing with her - as long as we did it together.
Family time as compared to bf / friends time feels so different, ya know? She doesn't even show a slight interest in us, in me! All she does is to.... come home late, lock herself in (our) room, and chat on the phone. When she comes hom earlier OR stays home longer (AKA go out later during weekends), she's usually too tired & lazy to do anything else.
Sigh. She doesn't miss her sister even a single bit. And our relationship strain was caused by her unreasonable actions before (when she was quite rebelious last time) -- Not that her friends would believe this. Since she's the OH-SO-INNOCENT girl ... And now, she has her own seperate life. Her family (and sister) are just insignificant people in her life that she doesn't seem important enough to FIND TIME to be with.
I accept the fact that her "head's just getting too big" now, but I am not content with this fact. =( *sighhhh*...
